• Daniel Ethan Finneran

Twitter has tweeted, whose board has now spoken: Musk owns the site, and all the world’s broken.

In the halcyon days of 2006

(When, as I recall, fewer heretics

Roamed the earth), a bold company was conceived,

In whose potential, everyone believed.

It billed itself as the new public square,

A place of untamed and unfettered air;

A place, ‘round which, witty salvoes could fly,

Hot-takes bounce, and fierce arguments vie.

It favored those who, with crisp brevity

Could “pwn” someone with jocularity,

Or, to a post devastatingly short,

Thrust right back with a sharp, lethal retort.

It was, as I said, an air wild and free

Full of links, laughs, gifs, and quick repartee;

All thoughts were welcome, no ideas proscribed

All bibulous banter was warmly imbibed.

All users drank deep from liberty’s well

And leapt at the notification’s bell!

’Twas a place unclean, not without litter

But we loved it still, and called it Twitter.

But, through the years, Twitter underwent change

And, for freedom, censorship did exchange.

No longer was it a platform for all

But a big, unbending, left-leaning wall;

A bastion behind which good leftists went

Where, from the real world, they’d retire and vent

Amongst themselves. And their followers grew!

To them did the spoils of Twitter accrue.

Check marks, like blessings, were conferred on them

Bedazzling their profiles like bright, blue gems.

And, in time, there developed a schism

As something corrupted the algorithm.

All the sudden, the technology changed;

The wires were crossed, the software rearranged

So that conservatives were excluded

From those fine jewels to which I alluded.

For reasons that no one could understand

Tweets from conservatives were “shadow-banned”.

If they proclaimed opinions deemed untoward

By the vengeful, wrathful, “woke” corporate board

(A group of censorious, leftist mules

Who acts, supinely, like Democrat tools

And follows, like lemmings, ideologues

Over the steep, mean cliffs of rancorous blogs)

They would be silenced, unfollowed, or blocked;

Of their reach stripped, their sacred blue-checks defrocked;

From this high place, excommunicated

Cast off to “Parler”, where…no one waited.

It happened to those who Gasp! Dared “dead name”

Those whose genitals were not quite the same

As before. Or those with the temerity

To publish Hunter Biden’s “Laptop” story.

For the first sin, the Babylon Bee paid;

For the second, the New York Post was blamed.

Each, from its account, was barred, suspended

Enjoined to tweet, until it amended

Its language. I ask, does this sound quite free?

To quiet those who, with legitimacy,

Disclose to us highly relevant facts

Or satirize clowns to make us all laugh?

And, lest we forget, the boldest of moves:

From the site, President Trump was removed,

A choice made after that infamous rally

After which Trump inexplicably dallied

To quell the horde. We remember the day–

January sixth, as though ‘twere yesterday.

Inexcusable, sure, was his response

(With which we’ll deal later, not for the nonce).

But did it justify his being banned,

While evil dictators continue to stand

On the site? Their stance unshook and secure

About their calls to violence, no less demure;

No less restrained in their calls for the death

Of those on whom they pour their poisonous breath.

Somehow, their evil continues to stand

As they elude the slightest reprimand.

In steps, at this point, a peculiar man

A Canadian-reared white African

Who, as a boy, more precocious than most,

Had brains of which an old genius might boast.

Brought to the states at the age of nineteen

Restless in pursuit of his lofty dream

Not only to charge e-payments online,

But the term “EV”, at once to define.

Like Alexander, whose greatness no place

Could hold, he sought his next boon up in space.

Now, with his rockets, we flirt with the stars

And aim, very soon, to colonize Mars.

From planets to brains, he opted to sink

To probe our minds with his strange Neuralink.

And, sinking lower, quite deep in the ground

His Boring company digs tunnels around.

Who is this man, who’s accomplished so much?

None but the deprecated Elon Musk!

“Deprecated”--how on earth can this be?

Is not Musk the perfect epitome

Of America? A foreigner born,

(Of that place, no less, of mankind’s morn–

Where, beneath the sun of Africa’s heat

Homo Sapiens first walked on two bare feet)

He came here, and, through grit and enterprise,

Has not only touched, but conquered the skies.

But this fallen god finds himself despised;

Scorned by the left, by his old friends chastised.

Why? He made a move to purchase Twitter

(That place where our scarce time goes to fritter!

Where free-thinkers like him are oft scolded

If they resist the narratives molded).

Flush with cash and of more funding availed,

To Twitter’s HQ, Musk buoyantly sailed,

Hoping there to find a welcoming port

But meeting, instead, an unfriendly sort.

This board, about whom we’ve heard so much since,

Included a Saudi Arabian prince!

And many others, to Musk’s view unkind–

To his passion, cool, and his vision, blind.

At best, to his coming, they were lukewarm,

And planned to sink him in a brewing storm.

To be a part-owner, with their consent

Musk offered a sizeable ten percent

(Against which his enemies pushed and bristled,

In response to which his supporters whistled!)

By this brash offer, the board was displeased

And planned to kick Musk behind his rich knees:

In a desperate effort, this deal to kill,

They prescribed what’s known as a “poison pill”.

For financial terms, elsewhere must you go…

And yet, at the least, this much should you know:

A “poison pill”, as it’s casually termed,

Is used to defend a vulnerable firm

From being usurped. By whom? Well, another

Who’s well-equipped for a hostile takeover.

To dilute his stake was their shrewd intent

That Elon was able to circumvent.

He did so by hatching a plan that night:

“Your poison be damned! I’ll buy you outright!”

Of all true “boss” moves, I know no greater

Than that employed by this great innovator.

Now he’s the sole, free-spirited owner

Of the once, now again, free-spirited Twitter.

Yet, at this, ostensible “Liberals” raged!

(Proving, again, from their name disengaged)

The thought of all speech, unfettered and free

Was met by the Left with hostility.

Their shrill throats filled with loud, barbaric cries

Sounding democracy’s imminent demise;

Warning that if, free speech were untrammeled,

Our soft body politic would be trampled

On. This! From those who protested Berkeley

For its perceived assaults on liberty!

From those on whom the downtrodden rely

To give voice!--when out, the voiceless can’t cry.

Now, the Left has revealed its true color:

Black–the shade beneath which freedom’s smothered.

Yet, with some luck, we’ve seen through this long night

With Musk, at the head, providing the light.

So, cheers to Twitter! A new chapter awaits

Let’s unlock the pads, and open the gates.

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